you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
