oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
