There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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