it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo