Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.