I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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