and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize