At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
