she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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