Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
