bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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