dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
