is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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