yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
