i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
