Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
