I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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