Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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