That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
