it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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