I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
