a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
