he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
