I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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