I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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