just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
