my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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