Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
