and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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