worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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