you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
