so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
my poor anus
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
