Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
