and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
