If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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