I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
