the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
