You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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