So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
