Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
