I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
