I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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