Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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