You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
