She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
