I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
