She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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