After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
