I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
there is puke in my bra ... again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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