I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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