and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
