if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
