when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
