I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
