I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
