bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
