I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
