Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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