i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's never too late to be topless.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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