If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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