all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize