I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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