soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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