your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
