I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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