So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
