Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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