I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
