too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
