We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
