So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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