do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
