It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
