well I can't set my house on fire every night
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
