I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
