so explain again why im purple
no
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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