also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
