phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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